Mourning

We mourn our losses. We mourn no longer being with friends and colleagues. We mourn the death of hopes and dreams. We mourn the passing of our youth and the sense of boundless possibilities.

But with each business failure we learn – or have the chance to learn – a great deal.

There is in the popular culture a tendency to quickly move past disappointments. This is not what Jesus taught. He said, “Blessed are those who mourn.” Another translation is, “Congratulations to those who grieve.”

Chrysostom asserts that to mourn is, once again, a chance for greater self-command. He preached, “This commandment is fitted to teach us entire self-control… For they that mourn, mourn for misdoings, and to such it is enough to enjoy forgiveness, and thereby to answer for themselves.” In mourning we reflect on the failure – large or small – seeking answers. When we find the answers, in mourning we will also accept responsibility for our role in the failure.

Chrysostom’s modern successor is evidently Peter Drucker who writes, “Management by objectives and self-control makes the commonweal the aim of every manager. It substitutes for control from the outside the stricter, more exacting, and more effective control of the inside. It motivates the manager to action, not because somebody tells him to do something or talks him into doing it, but because the objective task demands it.” (Management: Tasks, Responsibilities, Practices, page 442)

When the manager fails to achieve the objective set out, he or she should mourn, seek to understand why, and examine any personal role in the failure.

Mourning is different from “being sad.” Mourning is a structured process of learning and recovery. In modern Judaism there are three stages of mourning: shiva, sholshim, and yizkor. The first-century Jesus would recognize the basic structure, if not the details of this structure.

Shiva is a seven day period of personal and community grieving. Shiva embraces the suffering that is part of loss and gives us a chance to fully engage the suffering. During shiva the mourners avoid washing clothes, getting a haircut, wearing new clothes, trimming their nails and other acts that would obscure the reality of suffering. Shiva focuses on finding meaning in the loss.

For twenty-three days after completing shiva, mourners gradually reenter everyday life. This period of shloshim encourages the mourners to integrate the meaning uncovered during shiva into their daily life. This is an intentional but gradual process.

Thirty days after the funeral the period of mourning comes to a close. But on significant holidays a ritual of remembrance is practiced. This Yizkor is designed to keep alive the memory of the meaning found through mourning.

The structured process of mourning is focused on finding meaning or making meaning from the loss. If we engage our losses mindfully we will find meaning. This is why mourners are congratulated. By intentionally reflecting on what we have lost and why we have lost it, we will find meaning and the chance to apply that meaning to the rest of our life.

Business leaders should embrace every loss, go through a structured process of learning from the loss, and actively apply what they learn to future work.

(The eight principles for strategic insight can be found in the Gospel of Matthew, chapter five, verses one to twelve.)